Hello, Morning. My name is pain.

I had a sad thought last night. I can't remember not feeling pain.

It waxes and wanes. Sometimes it is just there and doesn't really bother me. Other times, like today, pain encompasses my whole being making it difficult to think of anything else.

I'm supposed to tell myself that it won't feel like this forever. I know that statement is true, but in these times when every inch of my body hurts, it's very difficult to believe. It's much easier to remember pain than to remember no pain. It's easier to remember hunger than comfortably stuffed.

I try to reconnect to possitive feelings, but even the joy on my wedding day is like a screen at arms length. I see the joy, but my current pain inhibits me from feeling it. Just as the image of singing to my husband during our first dance makes my chest fill full and free, sharp pain shakes me back to the present.

In my yoga class this weekend the teacher instructed us to breathe into the location where we have pain. "Location singular?" I asked in my head. "I couldn't possibly bring in enough air to direct to all of my locations of pain!"

But "this too shall pass." And some day I'll feel the absense of pain. Right?