I didn’t want to come back here.

I’ve been here before.

I didn’t want to come back.
When I left the last time
I told myself:

“You are strong now.
You know what signs to avoid.
You’ll never end up there again.”

But I’m here again.

I fought and fought.
I worked to avoid those signs,
But the tendrils are too strong.

It doesn’t feel good here.
I want to leave.
Help me find the way.

I didn’t want to come back here.

Short winter days

Last winter my office lacked windows. I could walk to a different room to look at the outside world, but for the most part I just had walls. It wasn't such a bad situation when there was ugly weather going on outside, because it could be cloudy, blowing or sleeting and I wouldn't know it. But I missed the sun: shining and setting. It was a rude awakening to walk out to my car after work in the dark, when the last time I had checked it was warming my windshield. I had no idea!

This year is different. For one thing, we finally got our promised windows! Not only can I see what the weather really is, I can watch the sun set from my seat.... well, not exactly, but I can see the change in the quality of the light and the colors thrown on the clouds. If I go to the window I can see the orange blaze as it passes behind the trees. It is beautiful.

I also decided to prepare myself this year. I found a website with the sunrise and sunset times for our area (somewhat approximate since trees and buildings get in the way, but a general idea is better than none), and wrote them in on my desk calendar. Most of us know that the shortest day is the winter solstice, which is generally also the first day of winter. But did you know that the sun continues to rise later for a couple of weeks even as it starts setting later? The good news is, though, that next week the sun will start getting out of bed a little earlier; slowly at first, but the days will truly lengthen once again. Ah! Bliss!

The sun has dipped below the horizon by the time I get in my car to go home these days, but if the sky is right, its essence lingers until I pull into my driveway. Seeing that hint of color left on the horizon makes me happy.