Doctor Fears

It's absolutely unbelievable how much anxiety I have deciding whether or not I should go to the doctor.

Take these muscle spasms for instance. I knew that I was in a lot of pain for two days and typing was excruciating, but I couldn't decide if I needed to go to the doctor, chiropractor or just let it rest. I called the doctor's office, and he believed it was worth getting looked at. When he saw me, he listened to my story, inspected the area and determined the problem and two possible courses of action. We decided that I would make another appointment to get trigger point therapy (medicine injected directly into the knotted areas of the muscles followed immediately by pressure to inhibit bleeding and start the relaxation process) to relax and heal the muscles. He also gave me a topical solution to help the pain in the meantime.

I rested that day, but made it to work on Wednesday and Thursday. I felt good enough Thursday afternoon that I started doubting whether my doctor would still see the need for the therapy. By Thursday night I was back in pain, but I didn't really feel as though the knots were there as such. I was really confused! Is this all just more manifestations of fibromyalgia, or is this still a "real" problem? To top it off, I was afraid of the needle, because he said that if it *hurt* we had hit the right spot!

As I lay in bed trying to get to sleep last night I thought about several of the times that I had needlessly gone to the emergency room (some probably fibromyalgia symptoms and one rather unfortunate ambulance ride because someone misinterpreted a panic attack resulting from a muscle spasm as a spinal injury!), the doctors who did and the doctors who didn't believe that I have high blood pressure, the times nothing was wrong, and the times the doctor looked at me and said, "What took you so long?" It's enough to make me doubt the reliability of my assessment of the situation.

Of course, it is harder to remember the times I *did* make the right decision!

I slept poorly and was still rather worried when I got to the appointment this morning. My doctor *did* definitely still see reason for the therapy, told me exactly what was going to happen and that it would hurt, but in a good way. He exuded calmness and compassion. The injections went well, and we could definitely feel the muscles start to relax. It will take 24 to 72 hours to feel the full effect, but I made the correct decision.

I confided my fear to my doctor, who wisely reminded me to listen to the small voices inside me-- the ones like the Holy Spirit. You may have to dig through the voices of fear and judgment, but you can trust the small voices.

Have I mentioned that I have a fabulous doctor!